Johnson declares himself Queen, sacks Government

The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson has shocked political pundits by pronouncing himself “Queen of London” and sacking the Labour Government – a move described by Johnson himself as “constitutionally bold”. He then went on to establish an “Interim Protectorate”, which will handle the day-to-day running of the country “until the democratic process delivers a nice Conservative government.”

Both the European Union and the United Nations have condemned the move, while NATO has warned Mr Johnson to recall the battalion of Challenger tanks currently heading through the Channel Tunnel toward France.

Mr Johnson’s increasingly erratic behaviour has sharply divided the mainstream press. Today's Daily Express hailed a “revolution of common-sense, decency and old-fashioned values”, while The Guardian spontaneously vaporised itself in an a massive wave of righteous indignation, leaving only the crystalised husk of George Monbiot radiating white-hot rage.