Then why not call HM Treasury? In exchange for taking on the risk of your toxic loans, we’ll provide the liquidity and extra capital you need to lend again! Loan your new found wealth back to taxpayers and small businesses at whatever rate you deem appropriate, or just blow the lot on speedboats and a holiday home on Lake Como - it’s completely up to you.
That's because, at HM Treasury, we can't bear the thought of losing you, no matter how greedy and irresponsible you may have been in the past. We know you only ruined the economy because you love us and we're sure you've changed this time. Please don't go - we need you to make everything the way it was. We love you.
HM Treasury – as many second chances as you need ®.
Please note, share prices may move down as well as up, but we’ll cover that. Failure to not bankrupt the country will not put your job at risk. Taxpayers who have just spent £1600 apiece on bailing you out may be shat on without warning or consequence. HM Treasury reserves the right to beg to lend you billions, on any terms you find acceptable. Have a nice day.
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