FROM THE ARCHIVE: Scandal deepens for “ungentlemanly” Osborne

The child peer Lord George of Osborne has received a freshly bloodied nose, following further revelations surrounding his associations with notorious Slavic gadabout Oleg Deripaska. After dismissing initial claims that he had accepted several trinkets and gewgaws during a ride in the wealthy gentleman’s carriage as “scurrilous piffle”, his Lordship has been forced into a humiliating volte-face by the surprise intervention of a once firm acquaintance.

“These hidden arteries of the state, through which true power flows, are a matter necessarily reserved to those who must shoulder the burden of government,” wrote financier Nathanial Rothschild in a letter to the London Times. “His noble lordship would do well to remember that slapping the sow from whose teat we all suckle, as if she were a common strumpet and he the parish beadle, behoofs no-one."

However, seasoned Court commentator Nicholas DeRobinson, believes this fresh humiliation to be the consequence of the “pup Osborne’s foolish goading of a higher beast”.

“Oh yes, my boy,” commented DeRobinson. “I sense the dread claw of Cardinal Mandelson behind this day’s business and no mistake.”

While refusing to confirm such speculation outright, Cardinal Mandelson, lately returned from business with the king of Belgium, commented: “Not for I the prostitute rapier, nor the coarse musk of the pistol. No, my vengeance shall be of an altogether rarer hue. Mwahahaha!”