Thursday 10 April 2008

BREAKING NEWS: Bank of England lowers interest rates to 5%

In a move which sent shockwaves through absolutely nowhere, the Bank of England's Monetary Policy Committee lowered UK interest rates by a quarter of a percentage point today. The announcement was met by immediate ambivalence in the money markets, with many of the UK's high street banks doing absolutely nothing.

Mervyn King, Governor of the Bank of England, defended the committee's largely symbolic monthly meetings as "a lovely old tradition" which "harks back to days gone by, when interest rates had the slightest impact on the cost of borrowing."

This latest rates drop is part of a scheduled series of themed events in the capital, which will culminate next week with Alistair Darling standing on top of the London Stock Exchange, pissing in the wind.

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