EDITORIAL: Leave our Carole alone!

Am I the only one who finds it infinitely sad that a decent, middle-aged white woman can apparently no longer compare a professional tennis player to a hilarious and harmless child’s toy in an informal, social situation? Is this what the political correctness brigade have reduced us to?

The golliwog is a much loved and endearing symbol of Britain’s multicultural approach to empire-building. Many nations would have been terrified of these curious, dark-skinned men with their long hair, strange voodoo and heathen ways. But we made dolls to celebrate their difference. I think that speaks volumes about our national character.

Indeed, if I were a black professional tennis player, I would be flattered by such a comparison.

And then we have the context. Carole Thatcher was not even on air when she made these remarks, but back stage with only 12 relative strangers. Surely, unless she is being listened to by at least 2 million people, she should be entitled to express any views she wishes in the workplace?

Not convinced? Then try this on for size. Imagine you’re a black fireman or police officer. Clearly, when fighting a blaze or wrestling a drug fiend, it’s very important to work as a team, with no time for horse-play. But could we really begrudge a little good-natured darkie-baiting back at the station? Imagine the effect on morale!

Finally and most distressingly, just look at the cabal of politically correct ‘fellow travellers’ who have appointed themselves judge and jury over poor Carole. Jo Brand, a woman who has based her entire career on making jokes about bodily functions, is among those claiming to have been offended by a simple witticism about the common and readily-apparent physical features of our coloured friends. The sheer hypocrisy!

I was at the very vanguard of those calling for the BBC to be deported following the maelstrom of depravity that was Sachsgate. How sad that the corporation seems not to have learned its lesson and continues to insult the common sense values of decent, hard working Brits. Its victimisation of Carole on the basis of her colour, class and political heritage is nothing short of naked racism and warrants, at the very least, a full and unreserved apology.

Tories hail Cameron's celeb policy love-in

The Conservatives have announced a further raft of celebrity appointments to key policy positions, in a bid to reinforce the message that the Brown Government is “out-of-touch with hard-working British families”.

First up, Kerry Katona will lead a new healthy eating task force, with the aim of helping individuals live on under £5 a week, by reintroducing them to the simple pleasures of traditional British fare.

Squawked Katona: “Blimey! Thirty kilos of scampi-style breaded bites for £2! And look at this! Half a metric ton of mixed BBQ meat for under a tenner! Helps growing kids get plenty of vitamins Y, U and M!

“At least,” she added, “if mine are anything to go by!!!”

The key role of senior healthcare adviser goes to Derek Thompson, best known for his role as nurse Charlie Fairhead in Casualty.

“I love the NHS, but it clearly has a long way to go before it meets the expectations of the modern patient,” he commented. “As a matter of priority, we need to ban all office Christmas parties, helicopters and canning factories, because they always end up with someone holding their guts in with a wad of dirty napkins. I’ll also be working closely with our counterparts in America, to look at how we can increase the simmering sexual tension in UK operating theatres.”

Completing the line up, Vinnie Jones will lead a strategic review of defence spending, Joanna Lumley is to co-author a white paper on social justice with Martine McCutcheon and, finally, Jamie Oliver will head-up a ten-year study into why he’s such an insufferable, moon-faced prick.