So, about this global problem...

Many of the people who could have prevented the current global financial crisis, had they only worked together a bit, today held a summit in the heart of London’s financial district, in a gesture of what can only be interpreted as aggressive irony.

A bit like being offered expensive reconstructive dentistry by the man who just knocked your teeth out with a bat, we’re now being told that the G20 leaders are the only ones with the experience to save us.

But, as we’re constantly being told (in the UK at least) this is a global problem, rather than being the fault of – for example – Gordon Brown personally, a craven regulator and a legion of financial professionals whose sole aim is personal enrichment. For example.

So, while we’ve got the leaders of every single country which has contributed to this mess in the same place, this is surely a great opportunity to point in one direction and say: “You – this was your fault. Whatever the banks or hedge funds or insurers may have done, your job is to make the rules and ensure they’re stuck to. So this global problem really is absolutely your fault.”

Not that it’ll help all that much, but neither will a commitment to doing “whatever is necessary” (were the Finnish holding out for “whatever we can be bothered to do”?). Even a little apology or admission of guilt would sweeten the gruel a little.

Note to our seven loyal readers: I know, it’s not as funny when I don’t pretend to be a newspaper (which makes these last couple of posts marginally less funny than not terribly funny at all). My misanthropy is such that I’m about to bring another human being into the world, simply because I don’t see why anybody should get away with not being born (surely the ultimate existential cop-out) and, consequently, I’m rather busy.

Normal service should resume shortly, or when the lazy little sod gets a job and moves out, whichever happens first.

And tell your friends, you freeloading fuckers.